“However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” (Ephesians 5:33, ESV)
The standards of kingdom living govern the relationship of marriage and the family. Paul calls for respect and mutual submission, cooperation and obedience for all believers. This would have been a strong contrast to the standards of the pagan world of the Roman Empire in which there was little respect and a great deal of abuse. Slaves were treated as less than human, as property. Women and children fared little better. The Kingdom of God elevates the dignity of all human beings for all are made in the image of God. Therefore Paul urges all to accept their social standings in a way that imitates Christ and glorifies God: self-sacrifice. This means I surrender my agenda and rights for the benefit and edification of others.
Unfortunately this passage has been often misinterpreted as law, while really it is about love and mutual submission. Many people these days reject what Paul says as they interpret thus to mean that the husband has license to abuse his wife by demanding absolute compliance and unquestioning obedience to his wants and whims. Yet what Paul says is that wives are to submit to their husbands as they submit to the Lord, that is, with loving obedience designed to build him up. This is her free choice made in the Lord and cannot be forced, for then it is slavery, not love.
And Paul maintains that the husband has a great responsibility toward his wife: to love her as Christ loves the Church. That means he gives up his rights and agenda to build up her in the Lord. As Jesus set aside the glory of heaven and died for the redemption of helpless humanity, so the husband must surrender his needs, desires and wants to promote the spiritual growth and well-being of his wife. These standards would work well for all society but they cannot be forced. They are acts of love that are really possible only for believers because only they are filled with the Spirit of the Lord who enables us to obey and submit to His will.